misunderstanding | (no subject)

[ yep, this is the part he'll be humiliated about later, he decides distantly. he's okay with that. just because he's a little touch-starved when he's drunk isn't too incriminating, right? he can handle that.

he turns his own face to the side, nearly brushing Dee's temple with his mouth as he speaks in a low murmur: ]

Please, Dee?

[Oh, good. Great idea, Dee, make him beg, that was sure to help his issue.

Dee's groan thankfully ends up more frustrated than aroused and then he gets up, his skin cold where Ryo's warmth had just been.]

Stay here, yeah?

[ ryo makes a reluctant little noise himself when dee stands up, because he'd really gotten used to the warmth of another body near his. ]

I'll find-- a movie?

Well-- Sure.

If you can find something other than porn.

[Look, the internet wasn't that useful back in the day and he's a very lonely man with a lot of neglected needs.]

I'm not watching porn with you.

[ but he's laughing again, even as he stands up to grab the remote. just kind of - background noise. that would be great. ]

Definitely not. I'm not gonna make this harder.

[Just getting a glass full of water and moving back to see Ryo fumble with the remote.]

It's on sports. Probably not your thing.

[ ryo yawns slightly, taking the water when dee returns. maybe a part of him knows that this is just an excuse to sit near him on the couch, to be in his presence without physically touching him. ]

You find something. I never watch TV this late at night.

[Drunk Ryo? Still too cute. It's pretty unfair, all things considering, given Dee is almost positive that drunk him has never been cute in any way.

But cute's not really his thing. These days, who knows what his thing is.

He leans over to take the remote, looking through the channels until he finds something that looks like the finale of an action movie.]

This late? It's not even eleven, live a little.

[ ryo has no idea what his thing is, either, except that right now he's pretty content where he is. ]

I am. Came here instead of going home, didn't I.

[ he'll just be invading dee's space as subtly as possible when he returns to the couch. ]

Edited 2016-07-02 02:06 (UTC)

You did. Now come here.

[Good thing about Ryo always? Easy to catch off-guard. Drunk Ryo even more so. Not surprising that Dee wraps an arm around his waist and pulls him back against his chest, holding him there and burying his nose in his hair, allowing himself the delusion that this is what they always do and what makes it worse is that it really feels that way.

As always when he's with Ryo, things just fall right into place.]

[ yeah, ryo is definitely caught off guard, but he slumps pretty bonelessly against dee's chest anyway. he can't even really see the tv like this, his cheek smushed against him. ]

You really do like me.

[ the privacy affords him a little more boldness. maybe he just wants to hear dee say it. ]

I don't just like you, Ryo, and you really oughta know that by now.

[Dee keeps his arm around Ryo and wonders how he can be this drunk and still mostly just smell good. It's not even fair.]

You're everything, you hear?

[ ryo exhales hard, hesitating, before he drops one hand across dee's chest. his fingers skim over the other man's shirt, seeking out the steady thump of his heart in his chest. finally, he speaks, as if making a confession. ]

... really want you to mean that, you know.

[ because it's equal parts terrifying and thrilling to hear, but he always manages to convince himself it's probably not true. ]

Yeah? If you do, I really wish you'd not act as if it's a shock or trick every time I make it clear.

[He looks down at Ryo, watches his hand and tries not to focus on what the touch means to him and more on what it means.]

I've never said anything to you that I didn't mean, Ryo. If ya don't know what you mean to me, it's cause ya don't wanna deal with it.

[ he holds his breath for a moment, just giving himself enough time to try to commit the feeling of being held like that to memory, before he moves to sit up away from dee a little clumsily. it's like he's trying to appear to pay attention to the movie. ]

People like us don't end up together. [ and then, without missing a beat, he adds: ] I'm not any good at relationships.

Edited 2016-07-02 07:35 (UTC)

You are perfectly fine at them, you just mess it up when you remember that you're too hung up on your principles to actually be in one.

[Dee huffs, not surprised at the turn this takes. Same old, even with a drunk Ryo.]

People like us? People like what? Tell me what you think we're like, Ryo.

You're -

[ ugh, this isn't where he meant for the conversation to go, but the words come blurted much more easily than they ever do when he's sober. ]

You're you, Dee. [ if anything, here, ryo sounds kind of defensive. exasperated. he has no self-esteem problems, mind; he likes himself very much, but the juxtaposition of the two of them just feels so impossible, even if it keeps happening. ] You're gonna end up with someone like Diana, not me. Excuse me for - for keeping the future in mind.

[ that doesn't make any sense, but he doesn't care. he's drinking that glass of water as defiantly as possible. ]

Wait a minute.

[He can't even wrap his mind around that and he's doing what he can to keep his heart out of it, because that doubt it painful. Painful, because he feels for Ryo, who can't trust that he is loved.

Painful, because what else is he supposed to do? What else can he say?]

Is this about me being bi?

What?

[ for a second, ryo completely doesn't seem to understand where dee made that leap in logic -- before he flusters and shakes his head. ]

No, I meant - ugh, I'm never getting drunk again, making words is hard, Dee -

[ he should've went home. why didn't he go home, again? ]

I meant that she's - I don't know how to say it. She's -- cool.

[ not that ryo thinks himself uncool. he just can't seem to figure out what the source of any longstanding affection from dee might actually be. ]

Edited 2016-07-02 17:36 (UTC)

Look, Ryo.

[Drunk and no self-esteem and he has no idea how to break through that. Keep things simple, he supposes.

He reaches out to cup Ryo's face, turning his head so he can catch his eyes. Leaning forward so they are close, making sure he has his attention.]

I only want to be with you.

[Plain simple English, bold and straight-forward, utterly honest as ever. Dee never holds back.]

[ this is all so strange and so much more overwhelming than it is when he's sober. all he can see or smell right now is dee, and that fact is both incredibly alarming and comforting at the same time. ]

Mmh.

[ but it's too much. his iron willpower just isn't there right now. cautiously, he kisses him, the gesture uncertain but the press of his mouth firm. ]

[Alright.

Al-fucking-right.

He knows he shouldn't, but he's only a man and he's weak. He can't help it. All he wants and that sound and then a kiss and, yes, he kisses back.

Can he really be blamed?

Probably yes. Especially by Ryo come morning and definitely by himself too. So while once he might have enthusiastically read into this and been all over him, he knows better now and so their kiss ends and Dee rests his forehead against Ryo's shoulder.]

Damn it, Ryo.

Sorry.

[ because he's drunk, not entirely stupid; he knows that he's the king of mixed signals here, and he knows that he really, really needs to sort out his relationship with dee before one of them gets seriously hurt.

it's just a daunting task.

so he sighs, dragging his fingers back up to the back of dee's head again, stroking them through his hair. ]

I'm sorry. [ repeated. and then, a quiet admission: ] I really want you, too.

Good to know.

[Is it? At this point he isn't even sure of that. Dee is used to being confident to the point of being full of himself, but in many ways Ryo had knocked him back from that. Mixed signals is an understatement and even as he enjoy the fingers in his hair, he doesn't want to push for more, however gently.

He knows it would have to come down to an ultimatum eventually, there's only so much of this he can handle.]

I dunno if you do though. Don't know if you want anything 'really'.

But I do.

[ ryo shuts his eyes, sounding frustrated -- but all of the frustration is aimed at himself right now. his circumstances, too... not dee, for once. he exhales hard. ]

Want to be a good dad for Bikky. Want to be a good cop. And I want you to stay with me. I want all of that. I've never had this much before, Dee.

[ and he's so grateful for it, but so worried of losing it all at the same time. ]

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good morning.... lmao

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